My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize