My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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