i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
