I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
