It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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