He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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