Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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