is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
