I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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