I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize