I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
