wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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