I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if only i could text you this smell
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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