What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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