You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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