It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
