Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
