I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize