why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize