no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
