There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
