i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
