Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
