He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
