I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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