Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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