? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
