Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
