All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
