i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize