I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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