Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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