she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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