420 ftw
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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