he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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