i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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