It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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