did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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