This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
