Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
