Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
