It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
