Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
