I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
