You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
