Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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