Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize