people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
