As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
