have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
