Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
