You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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