I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
