New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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