I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
