ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
