I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
