he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
