I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
