my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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