I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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