girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
