This is not my ceiling
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
