My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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