i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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