I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
