Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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